Dog Horosopes

Horoscopes

Cancer

(June 21 to July 22)

The next few months promise a howling good time to all canines under the Cancer sign. No sit-and-stays for you, it’s all leaps, bounds, stick fetching and flinging off stinky swamp water onto passersby. Yahoo.

Leo

(July 23 to Aug 22)

Wasn’t it Oscar Wilde who said “all of us are in the gutter, but some of us are drinking puddle water”? Perhaps not, but that, my friend, about sums up your approach to life. And it’s a good one.

Virgo

(Aug 23 to Sept 22)

Jogging? Seriously. You’d rather catch some zzz’s and watch Alf reruns. Which are obviously elevated pursuits, right along with the pursuit of leisure and the cat. No one better accuse you of being low minded.

Libra

(Sept 23 to Oct 22)

Libra, your sign is the scale, and it looks like you might be tipping it. Lace up those Poochey Shoos and hit the pavement. It’s time to ramp up those walks and work out that canine cardio. The payoff? Better naps.

Scorpio

(Oct 23 to Nov 21)

They can’t tie you up, you’re a dog on the move and no one can keep a good dog down for long. Lucky for you, you’ve got a co-conspirator with a driver’s license and a liberal attitude towards leashes. Can you say Road Trip?

Sagittarius

(Nov 22 to Dec 21)

Fortune smiles upon you, Sag. The dog house of your dreams is in the immediate future (radiant-heated floors and all). All your past preserverence is paying off – the fire hydrant of your dreams is about to be delivered. Praise be to Dog.

Capricorn

(Dec 22 to Jan 19)

You’re the belle of the off-leash beach, the dudical dog on the park circuit. No BBQ is complete without you under foot; no hot dog goes uneaten without you drooling. You know your role, revel in it.

Aquarius

(Jan 20 to Feb 18)

No one can say you’re not friendly. Your tail thumping borders on ecstatic and that toothy grin may, by some, be described as manically, um, cheery. Why bother to try and contain your emotion when letting it all hang out is so darn endearing?

Pisces

(Feb 19 to March 20)

You’ve always been one for fads (pUggs, anyone?) but the Southpaw Beach Diet? No robust dog can survive on distilled puddle water and sunshine alone. Embrace your figure and hit the beach already.

Aries

(March 21 to Apr 19)

Move over Lassie, there’s a new dog in town and she’s four-steppin’ her way into the hearts of everyone she encounters. One flash of those pearly whites and doors open. Hollywoof, here you come!

Taurus

(Apr 20 to May 20)

Tenacious Taurus, you’re right where you want to be. This is your season so kick up your paws and enjoy. Creative endeavors, friends, and financial gain are all favoured this quarter. Roll in it.

Gemini

(May 21 to June 20)

You’ve been honing your tactical moves with strategic games of chess and are now ready to unleash your master plan for nabbing Sunday roast. Strike while the element of surprise is on your side.

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